Moving to this country has been anything but easy.
Through my life I’ve been in pretty scary and desperate situations, things that involve a very dark, lonely, and painful cave to walk through with an absolutely unknown and uncertain end and not even a matchbox or a compass or a map to check where and how I’m doing from time to time.
Like moving to a country in the other side of the world, with a different culture, no friends family job money or a place to live. Which is exactly what I did not too long ago.
I knew a few local people, for decades, but their behavior has been part of my culture shock and sense of disbelief.
My family and friends, with counted and absolutely outstanding exceptions, have been no-show through my move and process of acclimatization,
It has been emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, mentally, physically, energetically draining.
You may have had already an idea because of the tone of some of my posts.
Thankfully I do have complete control over the local language -except writing…and practice- but the shock and my instinctual rejection to all what I’ve been going through made me avoid using it to communicate with anyone.
It was my way to keep some sense of safe-space, normalcy, and control over the surrounding chaos I was perceiving = “I’m already doing too much here to adapt to everyone and everything, please adapt to me when you’ll address me, thank you”
It had affected my health but not to the degree I was scared it could.
Also, I haven’t lost hope for things to improve, or maybe it’s simply instinctual reliance.
I could have lost both but I’ve been meeting people along the way that keep my sense of awe in human beings in general and Israelis in particular awake, kicking, and growing.
Energies and spirits surround me plenty and I’m lucky to be able to connect with them when I tune in. People, living human beings, is different: most of the time there is absolutely no one around, but as long as I have my faith in god I’m not alone.
My faith in god has been fused into me like veins or blood or the atoms that conform who I am, on those dark-cave moments, they have been the empirical proof of something bigger than myself and people and nature and the world that is involved in everything and everyone and keeps some sort of sense and balance and meaning of things and situations.
Part of that proof are the occasions when very special people cross my path and do things that help me stand up, smile, and continue my way on.
These people are the reason why I can’t say that I crossed those dark caves alone, although to the “untrained eye”-even myself- it would look like if I did because, with the exception of my parents, they didn’t plan to be there, some don’t stay for long, they just show up as part of their own path, and most don’t do extraordinary things but very VERY ordinary ones..
These past few months I’ve been praying for an “ally”, someone that has no take on my life, no special interest in what may be of my life besides their own tendency to guide, listen, and help, no friendship required, but not avoided either. Their help involves no sacrifice or special effort from them, so no guilt-trip included. They don’t ask for money to do it, it’s not their job, but their presence, and therefore their guidance is priceless.
This post is to thank them for being here, crossing my path, right now.
It’s not usual for me to find someone receptive enough to make me think that I should listen to what they have to say and even share beyond the weather conditions, able to see beyond the noise of my drama to the point where it is not needed because I don’t have to defend or justificate who I am what I think or do, tell it like they see it, make me hear the projections of my actions and words as they come, no window-washing, but no criticism and no judgment whatsoever. Make me smile, even laugh. And say the completely unintended perfect word that make me go: “but of course!!!” and everything immediately opens and moves even for a nanosecond, to what it feels the right direction.
For me they are my angels on earth
I had a few friends who made me feel like that, less than a handful through my life.
One I lost to cancer, the others to life.
It’s such a miracle –a gift of god- when that feeling of walking the path together but alone comes back, like walking a labyrinth, in the desert
Thank you, god